Fear and Surrender

Make up can hide bruises, but they can’t heal them.

My first ever relationship was a doozy. I had gotten with a guy who was mentally, verbally, emotionally…and physically abusive.

I specifically remember the morning after I had broken up with him. It was a very heart wrenching day. I was attending my final semester at a community college and we were at the end where I had no choice of missing class. I was at the mirror putting on makeup to hide my tear stained cheeks. The weather in Wyoming was warm as summer was right around the corner, but I had to wear long clothing that covered up the bruises that were on my arms and legs.

That morning, there were so many thoughts and concerns that were running through my head.

Will I get over this heartbreak?

Will I ever find a man who won’t abuse me?

Amid the thoughts, I was feeling ashamed. I had always been the girl with a high set of morals. One of the morals was to never be in an abusive relationship.

I remember asking God why I had put down that one moral.

Then it hit me.

I was only a baby Christian, barely hitting two years since I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. At that time, I hadn’t completely surrendered everything to Christ. Before Christ, I had always feared of being alone and never finding love. Even after committing my life to Christ, I hadn’t surrendered that fear over. AS USUAL, I tried to FIX it MYSELF.

What I didn’t realize, and now I do, is that I was never going to be alone, even if I didn’t find Mr. Right. God was always going to be there and he would always love me.

Shortly after the breakup, I received a card from my pastors wife. Inside, she had written that if I seek the Lord first, he would give me the desires of my heart.

The key verses comes from Psalm 128:1-4, which reads, “Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walks in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord.”

When you seek after the Lord above all things, you are allowing God to work within you. You are also surrendering your desires to him in which he will in turn reward depending on his will. I remember participating in a study by Christine Caine where she stated that we must turn back to the Word in order to find truth (Undaunted). God is the person that creates the change in your life.

Today I am married. I put God first way before I met my husband. I still put God first today. In turn, God has blessed my husband and I in so many ways.

I challenge you today to look at your life. Is there an area in your life that you haven’t put God first with. Take the plunge and surrender it to him today.


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