Disclaimer: Please be advised that this entry contains some material not suitable to all viewers. You have been forewarned.
My husband used to be a plumber. His bosses shop was connected to his home out in the country. Every Friday, my husband would drive over there to pick up his check. Every time that he went there, he was met by a huge German Shepard that would look like it was going to attack at any second. But as my husband would approach, the dog would lower its body to the ground, roll onto its back, and beg for the best scratches on its belly. The boss had nicknamed the dog, “cuddle slut.”
I have to admit, I am a big cuddle slut in regards to my relationship with my husband. In fact, I’m addicted to cuddles. I love being all snuggled up to my husband. If I don’t get enough physical attention, I become a very ugly, grouchy, she-bear.
In part one of becoming one in marriage, I stated that when Eve was created, she and Adam become one. In that part, I wrote about the mind set of becoming one.
However, they also became one physically.
My husband and I have a balance in our relationship. In the last segment, I talked about us being pretty much a team. We also are very physical with each other. We hold hands, kiss, hug, snuggle…anything that involves touching. It is a way of being affectionate to each other. I am letting him know that I love and want him. When he is affectionate to me, it’s the same message to me.
It’s important to be affectionate with your spouse on a daily basis. Even when you are many years down the road in marriage, you should still show affection to your spouse. I remember growing up how my parents would hold hands and kiss a lot. As a kid, it used to make me sick, but I see the point now in my marriage. And let me tell you, my parents are still affectionate around me and my husband too. You should not let affection go stale in your marriage.
Now there is one part of affection that I haven’t mentioned that stands on its own in the importance of being physically connected in your marriage. It’s controversial, but I think it is important.
There are two sides to sex. Sex can be bad. Personally, I think sex is one of the biggest problems within a marriage that leads to most of the divorces. I think sex is a big problem in today’s society that is kept behind closed doors in the Christian community. Sex has caused the downfall of many people who walk with God. Look at King David. He had an affair with a married woman (especially when he had how many wives?). There are many problems with sex that I don’t have time to address. That’s another article for the future that I’ll collaborate with my husband on.
But can I tell you that sex can be good?
When you are married, sex is an important part to a marriage. It’s another aspect to being physically connected. In the story of Adam and Eve, Adam later on had sex with Eve. They had many children other than Cain, Abel, and Seth which means they had sex…a lot.
I’m going to be very candid, my husband and I struggled our first year of marriage in the aspect of sex. My husband was getting over some struggles that is part of his great testimony. I was struggling too due to the insecurities within me. I did not love my body or myself. I also had a very abusive relationship prior to my husband. I’m not going to go into detail about the abuse, but it affected the bedroom. Since I wasn’t confident with my body, I was not confident in the bedroom. This led to some strain in our marriage because we were not physically connected. Yes, we were holding hands and kissing and cuddling, but there is something about sex that is so important to the physical connection in the relationship. And we weren’t getting that.
It took some time, but my husband and I have a great sex life within our marriage now. It’s a part of showing that we love each other. Our frequent sex life has connected us together in our marriage.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s ok to have sex before marriage. No, sex is only meant for after you are married. When you have sex before marriage (even when it’s with your boyfriend/girlfriend), there is no physical connection that leads to an intimate relationship. It will actually dull your idea of being intimate. Sex in that scenario is just something to do and has no significant meaning to you. This leads to struggles of being intimately connected when the person finally gets married.
I’m not saying there is no hope. If you’ve had sex before marriage, there is hope for you on having a wonderful marriage. It starts with you putting down the past experiences and making a commitment of doing it right from now on.
As for the rest of you, I challenge you to look at your relationship. When was the last time that you snuggled with your spouse or held their hand during church? When was the last time you had sex with your spouse? Give yourself a goal to show your spouse some kind of physical affection every day this week. Get creative when doing it. My husband is the most creative genius in giving me affection. For example, get a baby sitter (if you have kids) and just be alone with your spouse for an evening to be physically affectionate to each other. That one evening will be so reinvigorating to your marriage. That’s just one example. The sky is the limit.